December Reflections

I sat today with a myriad of thoughts racing thru my head. Perhaps it's my yoga practice, which constantly challenges me to be introspective, or just the fact that I've got a few years under my belt. But, as I  reviewed my year, I took stock of my feelings and emotions. Something dawned on me. I'm happier than I've been for aslong as I can remember. Happier than I've been my entire adult life. And I've had some very happy years. But this has been one of the best years of my life. In fact, if every day for the rest of the year was bad, this would STILL be one of the best years of my life.

I can't recall being this intrinsically happy since childhood. Unlike now, that happiness was built on innocence. It stemmed from growing in a nurtured environment. Long gone are those days. This intrinsic happiness is built on hope and renewed faith in love and the ability to trust people again. I realize we are all flawed. We will hurt each other. The difference is I also understand that we can find others who deeply care and will invest in our happiness. And they'll do it for no other reason than they WANT to. They love you. They appreciate the love you give to them. The people who have come into my life operating under those principals have saved me from sadness, depression, and despair. They are the reason I can encourage you not to give up on living a happy meaningful life.

Being around the right set of people or even person can help restore the person you know you were meant to be. The person you thought you lost forever. Those hopes and dreams that put you on a path to fulfilling your purpose in life, are not gone forever. Your mission doesn't change. You do.  And when when we change we often realign ourselves to take another path. Get back on track friend. Be who you were meant to be. Peace and fulfillment are just on the other side of healing.

I'm sending lots of love to anyone who still drops by to read this blog. If I don't make it back here in 2017, make sure to take care of yourself mind, body, and spirit during the holiday season. Keep everything in perspective. It's a season to cherish what you already have. It's not about focusing on material things. (Unless you REALLY have a need for it. Let's face it. The sales are great LOL) At any rate peace and love until next time xoxo.

40

It's been a couple of months now since I celebrated the big 4-0. I can honestly say I've never been more in love with life. That's not to say that it's prefect. It is however, exactly the life I want to be living. I've taken control of all aspects. It is a life by design. I have never felt more love and support from my circle of family and friends. I feel valued. I work so hard to make sure my people feel genuinely special. I want them to know I care. It's important that they know there's one person in the world who will support and accept them. I do that because it's what I need. I'm lucky to have that from the people my life.

In the weeks leading up to my milestone birthday, I was diligently searching for signs, answers, and information. What did I need to know before embarking on this next phase of life? I think my biggest takeaway has been that it's ok to let go of people who you love dearly, if they are not equally invested in you. It's ok to own your feelings and work thru them independently. There's no shame in whatever your feelings are. But you have to be realistic in your actual dealings with those whom you're not equally yoked with. You're literally hindering your own progress trying to stay closely connected with someone who's not working towards the same goal. Guess what? Letting go feels good! Progress... even painful progress feels better than stagnation. And it definitely feels better than being dragged backwards into the past.

I suppose this revelation is not new for me. I've loathed and lamented many times about this topic. What's changed is my ability to truly release and accept it. Finally I have, and I can declare to you, I'm better off. Peace and love friends xoxo.

Who Were You At 22?

Twenty-two years ago this week I lost a child. For 22 consecutive years this has been my own personal Hell Week. As I spend the last couple months reflecting on my 30's, this situation feels more poignant than ever. I remember being 22. In fact, I was pregnant with my 17 year old. All the while thinking about this little one. I was doing the math. How old she would be. What characters she would be obsessed with. Whether she would have liked school. Today she could have very well been in similar circumstances. It's conflicting to think about it all. Watching my children arc into adulthood is nothing short of bittersweet. Knowledge that my first would be old enough to start the journey of where I am today is not. It's painful. But I'm dealing with it. I celebrate the fact that her spirit is present and felt. It is so much better than years spent squelching these emotions. As the day approaches I'll leave myself open to receive any life lessons or revelations meant for me. I have obtained a few over the years. I know her spirit loves me. I know that being the best mother to my children honors her memory. I've learned to shed any shame associated with this situation. I humbly acknowledge that for me her conception was the truest most genuine expression I knew how to offer. It was a spiritually transient experience. I knew what I was doing. I know the moment in which she was conceived. Although I could not imagine the fallout and consequences after the fact. I have decided that THAT was my ONE moment in life. We all get one. That was mine. My enlightenment. A point in which I'll spend the rest of my life gleaning from. So I'm not ashamed. It's a part of my life story. One that at almost 40, I can understand enough to start to share. Twenty-two years ago I'd have never thought I would be able to do so. At 22 years old I wasn't ready. It's a new day. Peace and love friends xoxo.

Dawn Of A New Age

As symbolic as my title sounds, it's actually very literal. Today marks exactly 6 months until my 40th birthday. Though time constraints have kept me away from actually blogging in a while, the thoughts and words and have been swirling in my head. Though I may not have come to write them down, consistent prayer, meditation and self evaluation keep me focused and steadfast in achieving my goals.

However, I felt like today deserved an actual blog. I am truly staring down the path of a new age. This is a very exciting time for me. I know and trust I am coming into my own. Gone are the days where I even consider how my life's work is even viewed by naysayers. I KNOW I am on the proper course. What's more, I am enjoying the journey. It's not about getting to a certain destination. I have goals yes. And I am accomplishing many of them. I also fail at some of them. However, I have completely embraced not only the NOW that I live in. I accept that I am on a journey that will last my whole life. I am not working to get to a final destination.

So here at the tail end of 39, let me share with you where I stand, Never have I been in a better place emotionally. Spiritually I am on an incline that amazes me. The gifts of spiritual insight that God has given me and my faith have never been stronger. It's humbling, empowering, all encompassing. I actually lack words to articulate it. But I am grateful. It guides every other portion of my life. As a result I have never been more fulfilled. I have never felt more loved, for I have learned more fully to accept love. I have learned to harness and express love on a more spiritually mature level. I have never been surrounded by more authentic relationships. I have eliminated toxic people and influences. Furthermore, my rules for engagement require that I cutoff anyone who operates in toxicity.

My goal is to walk into 40 more mentally, spiritually, and physically healthy than I have ever been. I look forward to sharing and possibly inspiring anyone who takes the time to read my blog. Peace and love friends xoxo

A Toast

A toast for a heartbeat that transitioned from mortality to immortality. They say time heals all wounds. I'm not sure if time can work such wonders. But I'm a witness that active participation on your journey to healing definitely helps. Days, years, and even decades pass. Finally, you can look back with reverence and not remorse. I sat in reflection earlier today. "A heavy heart but a clear conscience. " Those are the words that settled in my spirit. Sometimes that's your best case scenario. Grow, and most importantly heal. I can attest to the fact that 21 years can pass in the blink of an eye. Live each day fully. Learn, evolve, be better and do better. Peace and love my friends xoxo

Unbreakable Bonds

THE PAST:
A look, a touch, a spark,
A choice to trust
A decision to love

THE PRESENT:
A thought, a dream, a vision
A spiritual inclination
A message received.........confirmation

The Taste of Your Tears

As I slept and my mind was unleashed, my subconscious began to explore topics that triggered emotional baggage that still exists in my soul. A revelation to me is there still lies a degree of pain I thought was long ago exorcized. But there it could be found. Not in the forefront of my mind. Not by peeling back layers and layers thru daily meditation. It was found in the taste of my tears. Bitter they were and what a surprise that was. Tears fall and they always reveal something. Sweet tears form when memories and emotions elicit them for beloved persons or events. Cleansing tears flow like baptismal waters to wash away those things keeping you bound to that from which you need to be set free. Bitter tears flow when some element of pain or anger is allowed to fester for to long. Pay attention to your tears. They're telling you something... Peace and love friends xoxo