Waving and throwing kisses

As I laid in my bed this morning taking stock of 2013, a smile crossed my face. Perhaps it has something to do with positive affirmations being the first things whispered in my ear this morning. "I'm so happy with you.  I am so happy with life",  said my husband. Clearly he was taking stock as well. 

I've already stated, I don't wait until some monumental landmark date to address things in my life. I am doing my best to live day by day and play the cards that are being dealt to me. However, for the sake of others, I thought addressing any residual issues should be done before New Year's. It just seems like the compassionate thing to do. I've been left hanging in the balance. I have been denied legitimate closure. Far be it for me to ever afflict anyone with the same plight. I am happy to say that I am leaving no loose ends in 2013. Am I perfect? No. Is there PLENTY of room for improvement in 2014? You bet. But, in rolling the past year over in my mind, it was a great feeling that I have no need to reach out to anyone to apologize for anything. There's nobody I need to contact to clear the air. I consider that growth and improvement in the way I live my life. 

I can't do much to change anyone's opinion of who I am. Quite frankly, I'm not trying or even concerned about what most folks think of me. I am satisfied with the changes I have made on my quest of personal improvement. Those closest to me, who know me best, are satisfied with what I bring to the table of our relationships. I love and bless them because they have been honest, instrumental, and supportive in my continual development.

I am done looking back. I am done processing old disappointments and failures. Forward was the integral theme of last my paradigm shift. That shift took place in August and it has served me well. Forward I will continue to go. I have learned that I can take lessons from my past with me, without dragging all of the baggage that comes along with it. I have learned that carrying pain is not a badge of honor nor is it proof of love.  Letting go of pain instead of focusing on it, has been my most liberating revelation. 

I have wasted too much of my life poking and prodding wounds. I had a pattern of picking wounds and keeping them irritated. My wounds were important. They symbolized something important had happened. I was hurting, that meant I had cared about something. Finally, I understand. I am not meant to suffer. I started nursing my wounds, and they began to heal. It does not lessen my experience to let go of pain. Wounds are not what I should focus on. I may have scars but I don't have to stay wounded. The difference is this, wounds hurt. Scars do not. Scars are a reminder that you were hurt, but now you've healed. 

May good health mentally, physically, and spiritually be bestowed upon all of us who seek it. Happy New Year! 

Candid Moment

Here I am making sure the hardest working man I know is comfy and well taken care of. We're still spending a little bit of time ticking away at the family business. But, boy it feels good to slow down and spend quality time together. I hope you're able to slow down and enjoy the things that matter to you most during the busy holiday season. Xoxo

Second Wind

The advice most commonly given to those who are doing any form of strenuous exercise, is to keep going when you're ready to quit. Seasoned athletes have come to realize that there is a feeling of revitalization coming, and you'll be able to go further than you thought.

The same can be said about life. Life is not a sprint. It's a long haul. I have come to realize when it seems like I want to sit out and give up (not unto death don't worry) if I just keep pressing, I will be revitalized.  Life is a beautiful thing. It goes on! I have been trying to make sure I squeeze one last blog in before the New Year. In retrospect that's silly. Years are an excellent way to mark the passage of time. But I'm done with "waiting on New Years" to address anything that needs attention in my life. I'm doing my best not to drag any old mess into 2014, but the fact of the matter is, I am not waiting until the final moments of 2013 to let anything go. I release all that does not edify the life I am trying to live, when I recognize that it does not profit my purpose.

The last quarter of this year I found my second wind. I can and will continue to move forward. I can and AM growing mentally, spiritually and physically. I had a complete stranger walk up to me in the grocery store of all places this week. He told me that he could sense my profound sense of spirituality. That a force greater than me was radiating to the point in which he could sense it when he walked in my presence. My response......."Yes that's correct." I won't pretend that makes me sensational or special. What that makes me is a woman that is walking in her destiny. This palpable force is to be expected from anyone who is doing such. It doesn't mean that I am special. It means I am on the right track. Which loops my back to my original thought....I am on this track, my second wind has kicked in. I'm running on!

If I don't make it back to this blog before January 1st. THANK YOU for stopping by to read my words, and look at my pictures. I appreciate the likes and interaction I receive. Be blessed xoxox.

*Queue Taps

This is me this morning. I was willing myself to have a good day. I've come to realize that so many circumstances in life are a struggle. Even happiness can be a struggle. There's a time to retreat and there's a time to press forward. I don't have the luxury of going to a still quiet place to regroup right now. So I celebrate each accomplishment I lean in...dig deep and fight. My soul is a kiln bubbling with hope and goals. I feel them boiling and rising. Now my day is coming to a close. I am content. I did my best. I didn't let up. I accomplished my goals. It wasn't an easy day. But it turned out to be a good day. And that makes me happy.

Counting blessings saying prayers

A very trying 24 hours in my household. I'm still processing. I hope to work thru some of it on the blog. At the end of the day I still have my hero...my rock. Thank God for that. We sleepy... nighty night.

Ain't That the Truth

I'm almost 40 years old, and just now understanding my worth. You best believe I'll do my best to impart full knowledge to the young ladies in my sphere of influence. I'm old enough to know better. And finally old and wise enough to care.

It's Right Here In Black And White

I wrote a post a few weeks back on the art of taking black and white photos. I decided to change this picture of my husband and I today, into black and white. I must say I LOVE what I'm seeing consistent growth in the midst of challenge. I see more strength which I am extremely happy to observe. The eyes... well mine can't lie...

To show my 80's baby 90's lady roots.... "Don't call it a comeback! I was here all the time." ;)

Celebrating Love

I had an opportunity to reconnect with family. Some of whom I had not seen in over 10 years. My cousin and his adorable fiancée had an engagement party.  We used it as an opportunity to get together to celebrate instead of waiting until the next time we have to mourn. I'm feeling so happy. Love in it's many forms is a wonderful thing. I'm happy our family is looking for occasions to celebrate love.

These are the Moments

Nothing from me the entire month of October! I sat down a dozen times to write out various thoughts or feelings but I just could not make it happen. My hectic life, as stressful as it can be has been amazingly blessed. My family pushes me to be more, and do better. And, I have decided to rise to the challenge. I am blessed beyond measure. I receive far more than I deserve. And, that is my motivation. I'm starting to surprise myself. Every aspect of my life is expanding and I know it's just the tip of the iceberg. When fear creeps in, I push it away and continue to move ahead. I am thankful for every life experience that has brought me to this place. 

These pictures are the moments that keep me occupied. The occasions that pull me away from this little blog world that I have created to reflect on all of the thoughts that float through my head. These are they types of moments that I come here to talk about. As I looked through my pictures, I was filled with overwhelming gratitude. I have made so many plans for my life. I have wanted so many things. But it's the moment when I finally surrendered all of my hopes and dreams, that abundant blessing began to flow. 

The spiritual words that have been spoken into life are amazingly coming to fruition. All that I have lost, every disappointment, people who did not love me who have moved out of my way, are being replaced with more than I could have ever expected to receive. I am watching it unfold and I still can't believe it. Scratch that....I believe it, and I receive it. 

These, my friends, are the moments....

Ying and Yang

We woke up before dawn this morning. Our pillow talk led us to conversations concerning life. After almost 15 years together, we're still learning so much about each other. 

We got up, went outside, and watched the sun come up. He told me how much he loves the sunrise. I am a self described "lunatic". Give me a sunset, and the chance to stare at the moon, and I am content. In many ways we fit into the Opposites Attract category. But there is an element of cooperation that is just working for us.

He is like the sunrise. He embodies hope. I am like the sunset. I embody gratitude. Like one hand washing the other, we will work together. Balanced success is in our future.

Scratch and sniff

I changed my perfume this morning. It's time to let go of the fresh florals, and welcome the sweet warm scents associated with autumn...  I'm feeling warm and fuzzy :) It's time to drive out and enjoy the beautiful foliage. Good day beautiful people.

Think On These Things

One of my favorite Bible scriptures is found in the 4th chapter of Thessalonians. It talks about the importance of keeping a positive outlook. The 8th verse summarizes "...whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

Taking time to for prayer and meditation has been an absolute necessity for me lately. I consider myself to be a spiritual person, and definitely a woman of prayer. But the discipline of regular meditation is difficult to master in today's hectic society. It is however, something I have been forcing myself to do. 

It turns out setting this time aside to both focus and listen, was a vital and missing piece to MY peace. I dwell in more contentment, love, and well being than I have ever known in my adult life. (And I've been grown for quite a few years now lol). My husband expressed his heartfelt appreciation for the transformation he has seen in me recently. His sentiment is as important to me then the actual benefits I have received by making these life changes.

So here is my personal endorsement for implementing mediation into your lifestyle. I am sure most people are not doing it. Let's face it, pouring a drink, smoking, or popping a pill is a much more time efficient way of dealing with stress or life's challenges in general. But what is missing with those alternative stress combatants are the answers we are looking for that so often cause the unbalance in our lives in the first place......

"A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes."

{Mohandas Gandhi}

 

The Mirror....An Optical Illusion

There they were, standing in the mirror
Conjoined flesh, rhythmic heartbeats and breath providing the background music
She watched strong hands covet her flesh
Whispering lips on her ear filled her brain
The reflection a most magnificent sight
But alas it was art imitating life
The image was untrue
She had looked into reflection of an actor's eyes
And what can the mirrored eyes of a pantomimist provide
Little more than a double portion of an optical illusion...

The Process

Little by little. One day at a time. I'm growing, changing, challenging myself. I'm determined to be more self-aware then ever before. I'm just at the beginning of this journey. Only God knows where I'll end up...

Easy Like Sunday Morning

Happy Sunday beautiful people. Today finds me in perfect peace. I don't have words just yet to describe them. But I feel a poem formulating in my mind. Peace, love, and blessings to you all...xoxo

See the Soul

It's time to jot down some progress notes on how life finds me currently. As I stated in my last blog, I am on a new path in life. I must say it's much better than I could have speculated. I feel more peace and contentment now than I have in more years than I can remember. It's as if I am walking in a forest and all around me I can see rays of light. It's a beautiful hopeful experience. I understand this is all a process and there will be days where no sun light will reach me. But the path ahead looks good. I will store up grace and knowledge for what lies ahead. One word rings in my soul over and over....FORWARD. I am to move forward and not tether myself to anything that would distract me or take me off course. I cannot move forward if I am looking backwards. I won't look back. My internal navigation system is programed to take me FORWARD. 

My faith in God primarily but also in myself is giving me courage to press ahead. I have brought with me the tools and the people I need. I am equipped with life experiences, and the empathy, altruism, and wisdom I need. I trust the people I meet along the way going forward will have additional lessons that will aid in my personal growth. 

I was studying some international artists the other day. One gentleman left a very captivating description of his artistic process. He takes all of his photos in black and white. To paraphrase his comment was; If you want to see and something, take a picture in color. If you want to see the soul of something, take a picture in black and white.

This statement struck me. As I began to look at his body of work, I understood clearly what he meant. I decided to run a little experiment of my own. Below is a picture I took just this week after completing yoga exercises. This particular set of yoga forms concentrated on peace and acceptance. I am all about these form because they really speak to the heart of my situation and how I am trying to live right now. I do feel better physically, mentally, and spiritually. 

I converted the image to black and white and I'll be darned if I did not see a difference. When I strip away the color, I still see more pain then perhaps I was even aware of. I see eyes that are haunted with the disappointment of loss. But I'm very grateful that I can still see a sparkle of hope. It just takes on spark to ignite a mighty fire. I will cultivate that hope into a mighty raging flame of personal fulfillment. Just you watch...

The Future Is Now

Tomorrow marks a day of sweeping changes in my life. These past weeks have led up to it... to call them difficult would be an understatement. But as I sit here and watch the sun steadily drop I come to realize, that it has all been a part of a greater plan. I am not the biggest fan of change or the unknown. But I have been opened up to the understanding that both exist and there is no avoiding either.

Amazingly with open arms I find myself in the position to accept them both. Miraculously with this acceptance I have found a "a peace that passes understanding".  I have spent the last couple of days sleeping more soundly than I have in years. The future...MY FUTURE in particular is more full of hope and possibility than I ever could have imagined. My past will give me the ability to endure the challenges and pitfalls that I must overcome.

I am grateful for every struggle that has gotten me to this point. I needed them. I am better because of them. I am beyond determined to rise above it all and be a spectacular woman who lives the rest of her life in grace. It all starts tomorrow. My feet will hit the floor, and I will be ready for it.

To hate or not to hate? That is the question...

I think my most important life lesson to date is that holding on to hatred equals self destruction. You may feel sad and have trouble pressing past it. You may feel anger and have to resolve it. But hatred is not an emotion, it's a decision. I choose to let hatred go.

Can't Get Enough

My neighbor died unexpectedly a couple of weeks ago. Dan was one of the nicest people I've ever met. The embodiment of the proverbial "nice guy".

In talking with his widow, the equally nice Joan, I learned they'd been together since the age of 12. Sixty-two years they spent together. Fifty-four of them, they were married. She looked me in the eyes and said, "I'm lost without him. We were so close. We've spent most of our lives together and I can't believe it's over."

You can love someone so much, that no amount of time with them will ever be enough...

At The End of the Day

We collapse exhausted on a regular basis

There is a question we ask each other regularly

"Why in the world are we doing this?"

The passion, the drive, the motivation just won't die

We press on

We are blessed

We are Lighting