What's It To You

One man's TRASH is another man's TREASURE

One man's DISAPPOINTMENT is another man's BLESSING

One man's DISTRACTION is another man's MOTIVATION

One man's IRRITANT is another man's ENTERTAINMENT

One man's COMMON is another is another man's PRECIOUS

One man's REGRET is another man's REWARD

One man's WHORE is another man's QUEEN

One man's TRASH is another man's TREASURE

Welp....

I figured out where all of my unrest was coming from. It was dread from the impending troubles that currently befall me. I'm literally being hit from several sides all at once. I am currently in the midst of those moments we prepare ourselves for. Those moments when you surrounded by a perplexity of undesirable circumstances. There is little for me to do other than try to find my way to the eye of the storm and roll with it. It's unwise for me to fight my way thru it seeing that nothing is in my control. Let's see if I can find the peace that the eye of the storm promises...

stock photo

I'm stressed but still sane. Send me prayers and positivity!

Photo credits to person unknown

Something Is Brewing

I am in the midst of some internal unrest. At this point, I'm not even sure what it's about. But, I am about to really dig deep and try to figure it out. Prayer, meditation, fasting, conversations with trusted confidants, whatever it takes. I will get to the root of what's going on. Stay tuned maybe it will be expressed in poetry, or pictures, or a really candid write up...time will tell...

Forward and Free

I find myself moving on to my next level of progress. It's been a while since I came to the revelation that it's time to move forward in many areas of my life. It was a much needed transition, and it has been an overwhelmingly positive journey this far. I have moved beyond processing past baggage. I've let go of regrets, guilt, and the emotions that accompany them. I can't remember a time in my adult life when I have felt this level of peace.

I also feel something that I have always maintained was a constant for me has changed. I used to tell people that if you knew me in the past, you know me still. The foundation of who I am is the same. I can say with certainty that I am no longer the same person. I am ok with that. I am actually happy about it. I needed to change. I'll be better for the transitions I am making mentally, spiritually, and even physically. I am looking forward to learning more about what I am capable of. 

The Queen of Emotion had an additional revelation a couple of days ago. If I am moving forward mentally, then why and I holding on to possession that tie me to my past. I've had the tendency to assign sentiment to even the most mundane of objects. I was not ready for a visit from a reality TV intervention specialist. But it was definitely time to let go of 20 plus years of baggage that I had assigned so much sentimental value and worth to. I am not living in the past. I am not attached to my past. Why was I holding on to so many artifacts from the past? I had no valid reason to hold on to so many things associated to a past that I have let go of. I have life lessons good and bad and scars physical and mental that I will carry with me forever. A couple of journals, a few photos, and momentos from the most significant events in my life will suffice. 

 Removing the physical items that were associated with things I have already let go of should have been a no brainer. But, I have been tripping over them and looking at them for so long that I almost didn't even see them any more. A strange thing happened as I began to purge these ancient artifacts. I began to feel more and more happy. My spirit felt freer and lighter. The more I cleaned and removed these old symbols of importance and sentiment the better I felt. I was smiling and throwing things away simultaneously. There is no emotion tied to an artifact of a past event you have moved on from. Hence there is no stress or upset in letting those things go.

Those 2 bags I originally took a picture of when I decided to blog this, actually multiplied. I bagged some things to donate. I hope someone finds them useful. I imagine they will go on assign their own personal totally different meaning and sentiment to it. Other things, even if they were functional and perhaps could be of use went straight into the trash. It is time for those things to rot and decompose. I will take comfort in knowing everything associated with it is over. That statement may read as aggressive or angry. I feel none of that as I type. I simply mean to say some things need to come to an end and everything associated with it should go away also.  

I don't know why it took me so long to figure out that I needed to purge my environment in accompaniment with moving forward in life. Nonetheless I won't spend time fretting or over-analzing. It all happened as it should. I have heard that you can't be open to obtaining new things if you're still holding on to something. I have watched things that I am working on and towards have fallen in line as such. I think there is validity and truth to that statement. It's really blowing my mind. As good as I feel while I am awake, I must admit I am having crazy vivid unrestful dreams. I will do the research on them and try to figure out what they mean. But I am resolute in my path, and happy to be on it. 

Cabin Fever

As temperatures dip dangerously low across the Midwest and East Coast, I like many other typically busy people find myself feeling a bit of cabin fever. I've made breakfast and dinner. Sorted two loads of laundry. Cleaned my bedroom. And started organizing my daughter's room.

But I need to bust this popsicle stand! I gotta get out of here. The snow has subsided. The snow plow and salt truck have made their way down my side street. My son and I have brainstormed outing possibilities. He'd prefer to go skating. Mrs. Shopaholic can hear the clearance racks seductively calling my name.

For those of you who share my conundrum, stay warm...and stay safe.

Waving and throwing kisses

As I laid in my bed this morning taking stock of 2013, a smile crossed my face. Perhaps it has something to do with positive affirmations being the first things whispered in my ear this morning. "I'm so happy with you.  I am so happy with life",  said my husband. Clearly he was taking stock as well. 

I've already stated, I don't wait until some monumental landmark date to address things in my life. I am doing my best to live day by day and play the cards that are being dealt to me. However, for the sake of others, I thought addressing any residual issues should be done before New Year's. It just seems like the compassionate thing to do. I've been left hanging in the balance. I have been denied legitimate closure. Far be it for me to ever afflict anyone with the same plight. I am happy to say that I am leaving no loose ends in 2013. Am I perfect? No. Is there PLENTY of room for improvement in 2014? You bet. But, in rolling the past year over in my mind, it was a great feeling that I have no need to reach out to anyone to apologize for anything. There's nobody I need to contact to clear the air. I consider that growth and improvement in the way I live my life. 

I can't do much to change anyone's opinion of who I am. Quite frankly, I'm not trying or even concerned about what most folks think of me. I am satisfied with the changes I have made on my quest of personal improvement. Those closest to me, who know me best, are satisfied with what I bring to the table of our relationships. I love and bless them because they have been honest, instrumental, and supportive in my continual development.

I am done looking back. I am done processing old disappointments and failures. Forward was the integral theme of last my paradigm shift. That shift took place in August and it has served me well. Forward I will continue to go. I have learned that I can take lessons from my past with me, without dragging all of the baggage that comes along with it. I have learned that carrying pain is not a badge of honor nor is it proof of love.  Letting go of pain instead of focusing on it, has been my most liberating revelation. 

I have wasted too much of my life poking and prodding wounds. I had a pattern of picking wounds and keeping them irritated. My wounds were important. They symbolized something important had happened. I was hurting, that meant I had cared about something. Finally, I understand. I am not meant to suffer. I started nursing my wounds, and they began to heal. It does not lessen my experience to let go of pain. Wounds are not what I should focus on. I may have scars but I don't have to stay wounded. The difference is this, wounds hurt. Scars do not. Scars are a reminder that you were hurt, but now you've healed. 

May good health mentally, physically, and spiritually be bestowed upon all of us who seek it. Happy New Year! 

Candid Moment

Here I am making sure the hardest working man I know is comfy and well taken care of. We're still spending a little bit of time ticking away at the family business. But, boy it feels good to slow down and spend quality time together. I hope you're able to slow down and enjoy the things that matter to you most during the busy holiday season. Xoxo