Just Dance

I've got words swirling around inside. My tongue and my fingers fail me at the moment. I can't figure out what to write or say. It's deep. It's reflective. It would probably be understood by few. I'll try to express myself via yoga flow. If all else fails I'll just dance.

(I'm a horrible dancer there shall be no witnesses...😘)

Soul Stirring Pt.2

I remember one of my first incidents of Soul Stirring as I have come to call it. I lay in my bed completely restless. Every time I would try to drift off to sleep. I would feel this internal jolting sensation. It was so intense that I was physically jarred awake. After several hours, I got up and went to my father (he's a pastor) and asked him to come and bless my room. I was convinced there was a spirit in my room that was tasked to torment me.

He walked into my bedroom and began taking stock of the energy in the room. He paced and stood silent. He paced some more and mumbled inaudible silent prayers. All the while, I sat huddled on my bed waiting for him to do some serious ghost busting. After a few more moments he proclaimed the room was spirit free.
      "There's nothing in here. That's YOUR spirit that's feeling tormented," he stated.

That revelation hit me like a ton of bricks. He went on to counsel me. To explore just what it was that was troubling my soul. He went on to pray for me, and give me insight as to how I might find peace. What an unbelievable experience that was.

During that time I was dealing with a tremendous heartbreak. I had been devastated by someone whom I had earnestly cared for very deeply. I was in the process of trying to pick up the pieces of my life, and move forward. It is tough to realize that you are not loved by someone who you so desperately care for. It's even tougher to give up and try to redefine your future hopes and let go. I simply was not prepared for the higher level releases that need to take place when letting someone truly significant go. I understood emotional and mental connections and the unraveling thereof. Completely ignorant was I of the spiritual aspects.

Now I am older and wiser. I have more insight and understanding of spiritual things. When my soul starts stirring I make note, pray, meditate, hush and listen. I have made some important decisions lately. I have cut some ties with individuals who were comfortable treating me with a level of nonchalance that you don't treat people whom you love. It has stirred my soul to begin the path of forward momentum without them. It is my blessing and my curse to love hard. It is wisdom that dictates that I start expecting to be equally yolked with people who operate in a similar fashion.

I feel good about the changes I have made. I feel right in letting go. In turn focusing on those who do love me back has absolutely brought about increased joy, well being, and gratitude. I will take quality over quantity any day. It has become clear that love is not always a 2 way street. But relationships for damn sure better be, or there's no use of having one. Peace and love my friends xoxo...

Soul Stirring

At least that's what I call it. I really enjoyed last night's meditation. There are times when I can literally feel a shift or movement within my spiritual being. Last night was one of those nights. I'm not real sure what its about yet. My best friend came home for a visit and it was better than therapy. We unearthed so much during our conversations. I admitted things I NEVER thought I'd say out loud. Perhaps this is just the aftermath of that experience. But right now I'm quite sure what it's about. I wish I had time to sit and meditate and get some answers. But I've got busy plans for the weekend and it's time to get the ball rolling. I just have to remind myself that life for me is mostly good. Whilst preparing myself for future revelation. I'm open to the truth so I'll continue to accept whatever comes my way. As I so often find myself typing as I blog: stay tuned. Peace and love my friends.

You WILL Remember Me

You WILL remember me. My m.o. is to ensure that you do. I'm a lover. I find your wound and seek to nurse it to health. You WILL remember me. I'm a companion. I see your loneliness and strive to fill that space. You WILL remember me.  I see your sadness and work to deliver what brings you joy. You WILL remember me. Charity incarnate is who I was created to be. Loyalty is my middle name. Steadfastness gird my loins. If we separate, you pulled away. You pushed me away. When you are ready to acknowledge the void I worked hard to fill... you WILL remember me.

It Is What It Is...Or Is It?

"You're going to be fat. Your whole family is fat." "Cancer runs in your family. That's how you'll die too." "_______ runs in our family. There's no avoiding it."

I have always been disenfranchised and un-accepting of the words spoken to me of my impending future struggles in life. I acknowledge heredity and family history, predispositions exist. However when it comes to anything I do not willing accept, I steeled my mind to kick against the pricks and fight for a different outcome than what was expected.

I can't say that I am surprised at test results that I have received from my doctor lately. I will however say that I am disappointed. I have worked hard for different outcomes in my life than family history suggests. So a phone call asking me to come in for further testing due to negative results were most unwelcome.

My preparation to go back into the office to get my results was almost surreal. As I showered and readied myself to go, for a brief moment as I looked into the mirror I swore I saw my mother 20 years ago preparing herself in the same way. I did not see myself looking like my mother. I literally saw my mother. I can now relate to her feelings of trepidation. My respect for her ability to fight back fear and face things was solidified and gave me the strength I needed to press past my emotions and deal with my situation.

I still say it's better to not to accept that you MUST go the same course as relatives that go before you. I still contend that you use everything in your arsenal to set yourself up to live a high quality life. I still say that if you find yourself on the same inherent path that your elders have walked before you, take control and make independent decisions. However wisdom is teaching me that against all preparations and alterations you may still end up where you don't want to be. Face it. Deal with it. Then open both barrels and unload your entire cache of ammunition if you have to. Fight to live, and live to fight another day. Peace and love friends. 

7

Today we celebrated my daughter's 7th birthday! The transition from baby girl to big girl is inevitable. But with each passing year my heart is full of more gratitude than it was the year before. Most mom's experience bitter sweet emotions at the thought and sight of their ever growing children. I'll go so far as to admit I feel that way when I look at my boys. But this little miracle girl of mine produces much different feelings. Most people agree that conception and life itself is a miracle. But some instances produce wonders above and beyond an already blessed and beautiful event. My daughter's conception is one of the times in my life when God spoke to me. HE let me know not only that I was pregnant, but that SHE (I was informed that I was having a girl ) was being born to fulfill a specific devine purpose. Her journey her was full of struggle. A physical attack from an insane demonic woman, complications requiring monthly ultrasounds, and a dramatic emergency entrance that almost claimed both of our lives. "They" say, nothing good comes easy. I say truer words have never been spoken. So, every year when this date rolls around my heart is consumed with complete and total gratitude. I call her My Sunshine. She is an exceptional girl. We recently moved. Her transfer brought tears to the eyes of not only her friends, but her teacher, the school secretary, and even the principal. She's that beloved. This past Friday I had an opportunity to have a lengthy conversation with her new teacher. She went on to tell me how exceptional she thought My Sunshine is as well. She complimented our parenting skills at which point I had to concede. I wish I could take credit for all that she is, I admitted. But the fact of the matter is that, the special little person you see is just who SHE is. So as I wrap up this day and look across the room at my beautiful girl enjoying some of her new birthday treasures, I give thanks not only for a baby girl....I mean big girl who's growing up. I give thanks, acknowledge, and embrace the larger purpose which brought her here in the first place. I continue to yield myself as a guiding light who will usher her to a greater purpose for as long as God sees fit to use me. And I'll try to contain my excitement as I wait for said events to unfold. Peace and Love friends.

Challenge Accepted

My world was turned upside-down a few days ago. There's nothing like the sudden untimely death of a loved one to bring your world to a screeching halt. As fate would have it, this happened during a time when I'd already began taking stock of where I am with 2015's accomplishments and failures. I guess I can only be thankful that I was open mentally and spiritually to hear and accept all truths. When life throws you for a loop, and then jams leaving you hanging upside down, don't react to it. Accept it and then figure out the proper way to get yourself turned right side up again. So that's what I'm in the process of doing right now. I'm not going to struggle. I'm going to hang here and figure out the best way to move forward when I'm back on my feet. I trust the truths I'm leaning will only bless and enhance my future. After all death is a part of life. It's how you handle death and the aftermath thereof that matters. I'll be fine. I'll gain insight. Life will go on. And God knows I'll be grateful once I'm standing tall ready to proceed.