It Is What It Is...Or Is It?

"You're going to be fat. Your whole family is fat." "Cancer runs in your family. That's how you'll die too." "_______ runs in our family. There's no avoiding it."

I have always been disenfranchised and un-accepting of the words spoken to me of my impending future struggles in life. I acknowledge heredity and family history, predispositions exist. However when it comes to anything I do not willing accept, I steeled my mind to kick against the pricks and fight for a different outcome than what was expected.

I can't say that I am surprised at test results that I have received from my doctor lately. I will however say that I am disappointed. I have worked hard for different outcomes in my life than family history suggests. So a phone call asking me to come in for further testing due to negative results were most unwelcome.

My preparation to go back into the office to get my results was almost surreal. As I showered and readied myself to go, for a brief moment as I looked into the mirror I swore I saw my mother 20 years ago preparing herself in the same way. I did not see myself looking like my mother. I literally saw my mother. I can now relate to her feelings of trepidation. My respect for her ability to fight back fear and face things was solidified and gave me the strength I needed to press past my emotions and deal with my situation.

I still say it's better to not to accept that you MUST go the same course as relatives that go before you. I still contend that you use everything in your arsenal to set yourself up to live a high quality life. I still say that if you find yourself on the same inherent path that your elders have walked before you, take control and make independent decisions. However wisdom is teaching me that against all preparations and alterations you may still end up where you don't want to be. Face it. Deal with it. Then open both barrels and unload your entire cache of ammunition if you have to. Fight to live, and live to fight another day. Peace and love friends. 

7

Today we celebrated my daughter's 7th birthday! The transition from baby girl to big girl is inevitable. But with each passing year my heart is full of more gratitude than it was the year before. Most mom's experience bitter sweet emotions at the thought and sight of their ever growing children. I'll go so far as to admit I feel that way when I look at my boys. But this little miracle girl of mine produces much different feelings. Most people agree that conception and life itself is a miracle. But some instances produce wonders above and beyond an already blessed and beautiful event. My daughter's conception is one of the times in my life when God spoke to me. HE let me know not only that I was pregnant, but that SHE (I was informed that I was having a girl ) was being born to fulfill a specific devine purpose. Her journey her was full of struggle. A physical attack from an insane demonic woman, complications requiring monthly ultrasounds, and a dramatic emergency entrance that almost claimed both of our lives. "They" say, nothing good comes easy. I say truer words have never been spoken. So, every year when this date rolls around my heart is consumed with complete and total gratitude. I call her My Sunshine. She is an exceptional girl. We recently moved. Her transfer brought tears to the eyes of not only her friends, but her teacher, the school secretary, and even the principal. She's that beloved. This past Friday I had an opportunity to have a lengthy conversation with her new teacher. She went on to tell me how exceptional she thought My Sunshine is as well. She complimented our parenting skills at which point I had to concede. I wish I could take credit for all that she is, I admitted. But the fact of the matter is that, the special little person you see is just who SHE is. So as I wrap up this day and look across the room at my beautiful girl enjoying some of her new birthday treasures, I give thanks not only for a baby girl....I mean big girl who's growing up. I give thanks, acknowledge, and embrace the larger purpose which brought her here in the first place. I continue to yield myself as a guiding light who will usher her to a greater purpose for as long as God sees fit to use me. And I'll try to contain my excitement as I wait for said events to unfold. Peace and Love friends.

Challenge Accepted

My world was turned upside-down a few days ago. There's nothing like the sudden untimely death of a loved one to bring your world to a screeching halt. As fate would have it, this happened during a time when I'd already began taking stock of where I am with 2015's accomplishments and failures. I guess I can only be thankful that I was open mentally and spiritually to hear and accept all truths. When life throws you for a loop, and then jams leaving you hanging upside down, don't react to it. Accept it and then figure out the proper way to get yourself turned right side up again. So that's what I'm in the process of doing right now. I'm not going to struggle. I'm going to hang here and figure out the best way to move forward when I'm back on my feet. I trust the truths I'm leaning will only bless and enhance my future. After all death is a part of life. It's how you handle death and the aftermath thereof that matters. I'll be fine. I'll gain insight. Life will go on. And God knows I'll be grateful once I'm standing tall ready to proceed.

BOOM...Breakthrough

I've made enough mistakes for 2 people... maybe even 3. It's been a decades long struggle to get over some of them. Today suddenly I'm ok. With all of it. I am suddenly ready to let go and move on with my life. The life I've chosen. The life I'm actively building. A life I want. Just like that. I won't pretend that this has been an easy journey. Even years ago when I decided when I was ready for a change. When I began to make strides toward letting go of the things in my past. It was a struggle. Cutting strings, letting go, reassigning the level of significance of previously important people and experiences, has caused me to redefine my life. I can finally say it's been worth it. I can finally say I love myself enough to have a fulfilling life. I'd list everything I've done to get to this point. But it's a journey that looks different for everyone. My hope for everyone is that they love themselves enough to do the same. Peace and love friends.

New Game Plan

A war between my heart and my mind continues. I think it's high time my mind prevails. You can only follow the heart so long, garner the same results, and continue to take the same course of action. It's time I take a logical approach, because the heart wants what it wants, but it doesn't always work out.

It's time for me to do what I do best. Come up with a systematic, well thought out plan. A plan that will hopefully lead to the freedom I want/need to be truly happy. Can a heart that's been broken countless times even love and find happiness? I don't know but it's time to find out.

Wow

My emotions have surfaced and are very raw friends. I'm not even sure what to do with them right now. I need a still quiet place with no hope of retreat anytime soon. Send me positive thoughts and good vibrations please xoxo....

Overflow

So many of my posts over the past year have been laced with strife. I am so relieved to be in a place of manifold blessings right now! Life has it's ups and downs. We all spend time in the valley, and on the mountain top. Your struggles and disappointments make the good times so much sweeter. I am filled with nothing short of gratitude and elation in this moment. Today's club accomplishments and victories were the bonuses of the favorable place we find ourselves in these days. Goals are being accomplished. Visions are coming to pass. The foundation of a legacy is being sured up. Our "gifts are making room for us" just as we can expect. Be blessed friends I KNOW I am :)