December Reflections

I sat today with a myriad of thoughts racing thru my head. Perhaps it's my yoga practice, which constantly challenges me to be introspective, or just the fact that I've got a few years under my belt. But, as I  reviewed my year, I took stock of my feelings and emotions. Something dawned on me. I'm happier than I've been for aslong as I can remember. Happier than I've been my entire adult life. And I've had some very happy years. But this has been one of the best years of my life. In fact, if every day for the rest of the year was bad, this would STILL be one of the best years of my life.

I can't recall being this intrinsically happy since childhood. Unlike now, that happiness was built on innocence. It stemmed from growing in a nurtured environment. Long gone are those days. This intrinsic happiness is built on hope and renewed faith in love and the ability to trust people again. I realize we are all flawed. We will hurt each other. The difference is I also understand that we can find others who deeply care and will invest in our happiness. And they'll do it for no other reason than they WANT to. They love you. They appreciate the love you give to them. The people who have come into my life operating under those principals have saved me from sadness, depression, and despair. They are the reason I can encourage you not to give up on living a happy meaningful life.

Being around the right set of people or even person can help restore the person you know you were meant to be. The person you thought you lost forever. Those hopes and dreams that put you on a path to fulfilling your purpose in life, are not gone forever. Your mission doesn't change. You do.  And when when we change we often realign ourselves to take another path. Get back on track friend. Be who you were meant to be. Peace and fulfillment are just on the other side of healing.

I'm sending lots of love to anyone who still drops by to read this blog. If I don't make it back here in 2017, make sure to take care of yourself mind, body, and spirit during the holiday season. Keep everything in perspective. It's a season to cherish what you already have. It's not about focusing on material things. (Unless you REALLY have a need for it. Let's face it. The sales are great LOL) At any rate peace and love until next time xoxo.

40

It's been a couple of months now since I celebrated the big 4-0. I can honestly say I've never been more in love with life. That's not to say that it's prefect. It is however, exactly the life I want to be living. I've taken control of all aspects. It is a life by design. I have never felt more love and support from my circle of family and friends. I feel valued. I work so hard to make sure my people feel genuinely special. I want them to know I care. It's important that they know there's one person in the world who will support and accept them. I do that because it's what I need. I'm lucky to have that from the people my life.

In the weeks leading up to my milestone birthday, I was diligently searching for signs, answers, and information. What did I need to know before embarking on this next phase of life? I think my biggest takeaway has been that it's ok to let go of people who you love dearly, if they are not equally invested in you. It's ok to own your feelings and work thru them independently. There's no shame in whatever your feelings are. But you have to be realistic in your actual dealings with those whom you're not equally yoked with. You're literally hindering your own progress trying to stay closely connected with someone who's not working towards the same goal. Guess what? Letting go feels good! Progress... even painful progress feels better than stagnation. And it definitely feels better than being dragged backwards into the past.

I suppose this revelation is not new for me. I've loathed and lamented many times about this topic. What's changed is my ability to truly release and accept it. Finally I have, and I can declare to you, I'm better off. Peace and love friends xoxo.

Who Were You At 22?

Twenty-two years ago this week I lost a child. For 22 consecutive years this has been my own personal Hell Week. As I spend the last couple months reflecting on my 30's, this situation feels more poignant than ever. I remember being 22. In fact, I was pregnant with my 17 year old. All the while thinking about this little one. I was doing the math. How old she would be. What characters she would be obsessed with. Whether she would have liked school. Today she could have very well been in similar circumstances. It's conflicting to think about it all. Watching my children arc into adulthood is nothing short of bittersweet. Knowledge that my first would be old enough to start the journey of where I am today is not. It's painful. But I'm dealing with it. I celebrate the fact that her spirit is present and felt. It is so much better than years spent squelching these emotions. As the day approaches I'll leave myself open to receive any life lessons or revelations meant for me. I have obtained a few over the years. I know her spirit loves me. I know that being the best mother to my children honors her memory. I've learned to shed any shame associated with this situation. I humbly acknowledge that for me her conception was the truest most genuine expression I knew how to offer. It was a spiritually transient experience. I knew what I was doing. I know the moment in which she was conceived. Although I could not imagine the fallout and consequences after the fact. I have decided that THAT was my ONE moment in life. We all get one. That was mine. My enlightenment. A point in which I'll spend the rest of my life gleaning from. So I'm not ashamed. It's a part of my life story. One that at almost 40, I can understand enough to start to share. Twenty-two years ago I'd have never thought I would be able to do so. At 22 years old I wasn't ready. It's a new day. Peace and love friends xoxo.