Personal Paradigm Shift

New rule: Family and friends who bring drama to my doorstep will be be fed with a long handled spoon. There comes a time in life, when we realize that our words and actions affect more than just ourselves. From that moment of revelation, you can either choose to elevate and undergird the people in your life. Or, you can be a stressor and pull them down with your self-cented focus. Grant it, some individuals are simply incapable of doing any better, due to their dysfunction or immaturity. But, I am at a place in my life where I am going to have to recommend that folks take the time to work those deficits out, instead of imposing their drama on me. I don't intentionally try to upset people, because one's level of upset is not necessarily contingent upon their level of love. Personally, I don't feel as if you care about me more, if you are up in arms about the trying circumstances in my life.

To be perfectly honest it's not that I am unable, I'm just not willing to engage in that fashion anymore. We've all had those types of relationships. I babied, I coddled, I shouldered and shared other people's stress and problems. In the end, it either of us were made better. My newest question in the midst of someone else's personal turmoil is, "How can I support you in this?" It's amazing how giving someone control over their happenstance can lead them in the direction of taking the helm, and attempting to handle their own business.

I've said all of this at the risk of sounding like a totally apathetic and crappy person. Let me assure that is not the case. During the happy or difficult times of my loved one's lives, I want to be there. I will provide the box of tissue when we laugh until we cry, or we cry until we're dry. I want to share in your victories, as well as your defeats. I just don't want to shoulder them.

My Baby Boy

My darling baby boy celebrated his 8th birthday this week. He is truly the closest thing to a perfect child that exists. Somehow in the midst of a chaotic large family, he managed to become this fantastic person. He is sensitive, grateful, intelligent, hilarious, kind, considerate, and loving. I am amazed that God thought enough of me to put such a special boy in the tutelage of my care. I want to do all I can to ensure his success in life. But to be perfectly I honest, I think I learn more from him, than he does from me. Happy birthday to my sweet Ian...

Penn State Scandal

It took me the better part of two gruesome hours to read through the indictments against the Jerry Sandusky. I had to take several pauses, or risk becoming physically ill. There are NO words that anyone who had knowledge of this situation can say to any of the victims....nothing. NO staff member, employee, or person in passing who had an inkling of this situation can make it right.

I am going to go a step further here. There is very little that our society at large can do as it presently is. Plain and simple America is a society that does not value it's most vulnerable members. Public policy, law enforcement, socially acceptable norms, and overwhelming apathy attest to that. I am fuming at the thought the athletic director, head coach, and president all had knowledge that this man was actively raping a defenseless child and did absolutely nothing about it. I am shocked two different men on two different occasions witnessed the raping and sexual assaults of two different young adolescent boys and nothing was done about it!

Good news travels fast. Bad news travels faster. There is no way that I will ever believe that it was anything less than common knowledge that Sandusky was a disgusting freak who targeted little boys. Outside of what was going on in the university, there was a school district that banned him from coming to their school based off of his inappropriate or as quoted in the indictment, suspicious behavior. Suspicious behavior that I might add, was reported to the authorities. Authorities that I might add, investigated the incident, and DECIDED not to file criminal charges ,even though this monster admitted that he showered with and inappropriately touched children.

Most of us have come across a co-worker we know should not have the position they hold. But let's face it we are not talking about working with a functioning alcholic. We're not talking about someone who we are pretty sure steals. This isn't about the office tramp who dates anyone who walks through the door. The ramifications are far greater than tension around the water cooler, unbalanced budgets, or inefficient services. We are talking about a sexual predator who was molesting and raping innocent children.

Parents no judgements from me. I am sure many of the parents who sent their kids to these programs, or sent their child to be mentored by Sandusky had the best of intentions. But, let me tell you one thing that I have learned over the years. There is no better mentor for your child than you! No matter how poorly you have handled certain life situations, your child loves you. Don't send them to someone else to show them the facts of life. At best TAKE them don't send them. You never truly know who you are dealing with. My children are actively involved in all sorts of programs. But, I am there. Even when I don't feel like it. Even when it's not convienient. When I would rather be enjoying some me time, I am still there. Because, nothing is more precious to me the safety and well being of the little people I chose to bring into the world. When they want to be in an activity that does not fit into the family schedule they simply cannot participate. If you can't be there with them, or someone you know intimately and trust, don't send them. I don't buy they hype that parents need to let children go out on their own. Some of these victims were in 8th grade. That's 13 years old! A child cannot outsmart a predator....period. You can give space and still have supervison. It's not about hovering it's about protecting. That is our job as parents.

Your ten year old does not have to go on an overnight trip, and stay with persons of background unknown just because he loves football or any other activity. Time spent throwing the ball around with someone who loves him, and has genuine praise is often more meaningful to him. I have one SUPERIOR athlete in my house. Everywhere we go, opposing coaches, referees, and parents come to me after a game and sing his praises. We get invites in the mail for camps and trainings all of the time. But, he is happiest when I sit in the backyard with him and watch him practice, and he has told me that on numerous occasions. He's also promised to put me in a "really nice nursing home when he goes pro" because I support him more than anyone else in the world.

Yes I like to stand on my soapbox and shout with righteous indignation about anything and everything that gets on my nerves. I do very little of that when it comes to parenting. We are all trying to figure out how to best care for them. Sometimes we get it right sometimes we don't. We are all, generally doing the best we can. None of us is perfect and God knows the world isn't either. But our kids HAVE to come first. Right now people get more jail time and punishment for attacking a complete stranger, than for doing the same thing to a defenseless child.

I can only imagine that many of the authorities who had the wherewithal to stop this monster had children themselves. I have to admit that I am just dumbfounded that elitism and the almighty dollars pouring into a lucrative football program or popular non-profit agency took precedent of the welfare of these children. The disconnect is inhumane. We have to do better, and call for those around us to do better.

Here I Am

When your driving down the lonely road
Look into the rolling hills
There you will find the swell of my hips
If you look up at the stars in the sky
You will see the twinkle in my eyes over one of our many inside jokes
As you wade through the crowd at the parade
Listen to the drummer's rhythm
That is my heart racing from the intensity of your gaze
Go to the sea and stroll the shoreline
With the tide, I will rush in to greet you
Close your eyes and hear the breeze slipping through the trees
It's my whisper in your ear, as we lay
The time we share is precious
But even when we are apart
I'm never far away

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone and Into Your Destiny

There is a common theme going on with many of my close friends and myself right now.  My grandma used to call it growing pains. You know those moments in life when things are awkward and uncomfortable. That's where I find myself right now. I used to think it was a phase you go through in your youth, and then, thank God it's over. You live, you learn, it's not fun, it's not cute, but eventually it's over. As I spiral towards middle age, I am learning that was an incorrect premise. It's a life long process! I mean, technically, I don't have to continue to expand as a person. But, if I am actually going to reach my full potential, the growing pains process must continue.

In essence, I will spend the rest of my life walking into situations where once again I feel like an awkward adolescent girl. Not because I am immature, but because it's not the adolescence that make you awkward. It's the ignorance, uncertainty, and lack of experience that makes you uncomfortable. It's the flat chest, the pimples, and the insecurities that makes you an adolescent (all of which I still have so perhaps I will also be an adolescent forever too! Perish the thought.)

The fact of the matter is as soon as you come out of your comfort zone, you have choices to make. Are you going to stay there uncomfortable? Are you going to allow yourself to come to new revelations and paradigms? Or will you retreat back to where you feel safe? What I have come to realize by looking at people I know who choose retreat, is that they all end up miserable. It is double edged sword but I think the latter fate is worse. *I would rather be uncomfortable for a while, and find a place of temporary contentment, until it's time for the next test.

*Opinion subject to change as life and circumstance propel me forward ;)

The Composition

Fingers and lips interlocked

Your body is the chorus 

My body is the melody

We make perfect music

Take it to the bridge baby

Play that song, one more time

These songs play,

If only in our hearts

For eternity..................

Reflections

Lately I have spent a great deal of time pondering on human suffering. I just finished reading biographical fiction on the story of Henry "Box" Brown. He has an amazing story. Basically, he was a slave who mailed himself to freedom.

Over the past few weeks I have been reading up on, and focusing on injustices I see in society. The older I get the more objectively I am trying to look at these types of situations. I don't want to end up in an "Occupy" state of being. Don't get me wrong, I respect the Occupiers right to protest. I sympathize and even empathize with their position in many ways. But I must admit I too on some level am skeptical on the effectiveness of their actions.

I wish I could come up with some master plan outside of prayer and faith to deal with all of the wrongs I see in the world. As far as I know, only the Anti-Christ can come up with an alternative that is suitable for to the masses ;) So, I suppose, I will continue to put my trust in God. And have faith, that everyone will give an account for their actions both good and evil some day.

I want to make a difference if I can, or at least understand to the best of my ability why an injustice occurs. If I can learn from it, than perhaps I can prevent it. Let me not end up in a place of apathy where I see yet do nothing to act, effect, influence, or change what I can.