Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Today's a Special Day!

March 30, 2008- I awoke elated thinking that my water had broken only to find out that I was standing in a pool of steadily pouring blood. I called my sister who told me to get to the hospital right away. I remember the staff trying to ask me medical questions as they tried to prep me for surgery. I started blacking out and Richard had to answer them for me. Suddenly, I had 5 people standing around me all working on me at the same time. one was trying to start and IV line, one had a mask over my face, one was scrubbing my stomach, one was asking me questions, and the other one was at my feet. The whole time I kept trying to pray. I was trying to think on scriptures that I knew. But in the mass confusion, all I could do was think, "Jesus just help me." The girl with a million memory verses and prayers that storm boldly before the throne of grace, couldn't keep a thought in mind long enough to draw off any of those things that she usually does. But I had one belief that I was able to cling to. {Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. (Romans 8:26)} Even if I couldn't form the words God still understood. The last thing I remember is pulling my legs up and starting to go into the fetal position and the whole room yelling NOOOO! The rest of the story was told to me by a surgical tech. She hunted Richard down that same day, and me on her next scheduled shift just to say that my situation was nothing short of miraculous. The normal order of things is to take the baby first and then the placenta. Keep in mind that I was still continuously bleeding out. She told me that as soon as the doctor made the incision, that my placenta literally "jumped" out of my body and into the doctor's hands. The entire room froze. She said in her entire career she had never seen anything like that. But, had that not happened I would have bled to death, because my blood loss slowed almost completely. She told Richard you made the right choice driving them here. If you would have waited for an ambulance your wife and baby would be dead. From the time I entered the hospital until the time Scarlett was delivered was only 25 minutes. I awoke in more pain than I even knew was possible to feel, with an apology that there was no time to administer pain meds and the news that my baby girl was perfectly fine. In fact, her Apgar test was stronger than the average baby who has been under no distress. So I am extremely grateful for every day that I have been granted since 3/30/08. I am left with a crazy scar, a beautiful daughter and one more awesome testimony. And, I never second guess my role in life. It's not glamorous, it's usually pretty thankless. For the most part the only people who can appreciate what I do are generally those who are in the same position. I'm fine with that. I am a humble person but at the same time I KNOW that I am important. Because God took the time to stop by the hospital to see about me.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

A Good Relationship is Like Girdle

     A good relationship is like a girdle. It supports you and holds you up during the most important occasions of your life. I can think of few things more precious than a healthy reciprocated relationship. One hopes this is what they can expect from the people they call family. Often times we hear more negative reports on family members than positive ones. I wonder why this is. I have come across a bit of family drama lately. One particular member has found herself in a tremendous amount of trouble. Although she has an abundance of brothers and sisters, and her parents are still alive, my household sat down to see how we could help. That's what family does. In my opinion, family should not only pull together in times of adversity, we should just generally love and support each other in all aspects of life. That's my goal. That's what I want. That's what I am trying to instill in the delicate minds I am responsible for shaping. I just wish I had a bit of support from my, oh I don't family!
     It's a sad day when you realize that people who don't have to be in your life, are willing to do more for you than people who are connected whether they like it or not. It was an ongoing lesson that I was reminded of several times this week. The first incident had me so spitting mad I could not see straight. But the second occurrence did little more than put the nail in the coffin of my paradigm shift. That shift being the realization family are not always who you can turn to when you really need help.
     I had a very in depth conversation with my Significant Other yesterday. We came to the conclusion that henceforth we will surround ourselves with, and work on establishing deep and meaningful relationships with the people who love and care about us most regardless of the bloodline. We are fortunate to have had some caring genuine people cross our paths. People who are dependable and love and care for no other reason than the fact that they choose to. They don't have to care. They don't have support. They are under no obligation or alliance established by anything other than love, and a desire to do so. They are called friends. I know that this is cliche but friends are the family you get to choose. It's true, and right now it's my silver lining.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Settling vs Acceptance

I am very randomly pondering the ideals of accepting circumstances in life. I think there has been a huge movement in American society to never settle for anything. You should always go after what you want and not be sidetracked. We do after all have a very individualized society when you compare it to other cultures. I suppose over the years the slogans have changed  but the ideology is the same. Some I can think of are 1) Be all the me I can be [that was a Saturday morning commercial adage meant to motivate kids] 2) Get 'er dun 3) and perhaps the most recent "do you". The meaning behind all of these mottos, I think, is the same. You are important and should get, and/or do what you think is important. I am wondering and perhaps leaning towards thinking we have gone a bit too far with that line of thinking. It seems as if perhaps we have become so self-centered  that we care less about the big picture and how it will affect others that we are close to. I have seen people so focused on their careers, education, material wants etc...that they will ignore or neglect the people that life's finer things are meant to be shared with.
It's time to stop step back and look at the whole picture. There is a time to simply accept some of your life circumstances. That's especially important, if where we want to be will cause unwanted effects on the other people in our life. It's time to reorganize and prioritize and set goals TOGETHER.  No man is an island. And when you finally get to where you're going you need to have someone there to sit and sip your tropical smoothie with.

Friday, March 11, 2011


I'm kind of wondering what happened to service fields and the concept of public service in America. We all know the entire political system is in the toilet. But I am seeing a trend amongst all service positions that is really starting to get on my nerves. I got a letter home from school from my children's teachers. The stated that my parent-teacher conference times with them.  The teachers had chosen and given to me. One of the times was at 3:15. The other time was 5:00. Either teacher had obviously conferred with each other to see if the could sink up timing with each other or me. They just expected me to find sitters that could stay with my children multiple different times and then spend gas that has sky-rocketed to well beyond $3 a gallon to drive back and forth to the school 4 times. That's not to mention that my children would barely make it through the door before I had to be at the first appointment. I'm sure it was not a conspiracy to make things difficult for me. However, that doesn't excuse the fact that it was an epic failure in moving in the best interest of the people in which educators are supposed to serve. Standard protocol has always been to request 3 different times in order of preference in which the parent is available to meet. Now suddenly we are being assigned times without so much as our input? I think my response was legitimate and appropriate. In short my answer was...nope. I feel like this, if we're going to meet, than it will be at a mutually agreeable time. That's not a revolutionary concept, it's actually the original concept! The method of operation wasn't broken for me so there was nothing to fix. What's worse is that one teacher who I ended up having a phone conference with only reported the grades to me that I actually have access to online. Nothing more nothing less. I'll call it divine intervention that I did not inconvenience myself by finding a babysitter and going down to the school to meet with her. I'm not sure I could have kept the conversation respectable.
     I'm rambling now. I just needed to get this all off my chest. Public Service used to mean you were taken into the public trust to help members of society. You were funded by them [the public] to take care of their business. Anymore the public sector takes it's cues from the private sector. Secrecy, privacy, and somehow what seems like profitability even if it's not monetary gain now rule the public sector also. With little more than laws and statutes that are now being ignored or eradicated altogether, I predict things will get worse until people stand up and define terms that are once again agreeable for them and them hold workers to it.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

How Far is Far Enough

     I have been working on another post for weeks now and I fear that it may be "overdone". I may very well end up scrapping that one because it feels contrived at this point. Anyway, I have something else on my mind now. I don't always look for feedback, but if anyone ever takes the time to read this post and would like to respond, I could sure use some feedback.
     I know, I know elbows and opinions everybody's got them. I don't normally ask for anyone's opinion because I have my own. Let's consider this more of a qualitative research project. Your input will be up for analysis. *I smile*
     I am just kind of at my wits end concerning on of my loved ones. I feel like this young man is full of potential, but is letting it all go to waste. I know that in life we have our own choices to make and everyone we come across is a mere influence. I do my best to be a positive influence to everyone I am around. But, how many times do you step in and repeat yourself and try and influence someone with little or no interest in doing their best. I search for answers, talk until I am blue in the face, go out of my way to support and under gird etc... However, most of the time when I try to drop the little bird from the nest and say 'fly', the bird starts a spiraling descent straight for the ground.
    I don't want to be so legalistic and methodical that I end up doing things like giving a person 3 tries or 5 tries and then wash my hands of a situation. At the same time, I don't want to feel as if I am spending so much effort on one person that I neglect myself and the other people in my life. I'm not sure if there are proper answers to this situation. I just needed to get it off my chest.  So there you have it. Calling all opinionated know it all persons! Step right up!!!