Be The Change

I sat in an unrelenting obstacle course of rerouted construction yesterday. I was trying to get in line and make my ascension to the traffic light, yet no one would let me in line. I ended up going around and taking a different route. But the funny thing was, I wasn't angry, or even frustrated. I realized that I had no real expectation of anyone going out of their way for me.  

That's a sad fact, but it's very true. In my opinion I haven't been shown enough empathy. In general, I haven't been shown, an abundance of kindness or even love. And I realized that I'm not upset about it. I'm not even sad about it. Because, it seems to be the condition of the human race right now. I know my statements sound pessimistic, but that's now how I feel. I am simply pointing out things as I see and understand them.  It's difficult to be disenfranchised when you already have a low expectation. I applaud my friends and loved ones for delivering to me a caliber of love that is top echelon. I believe that is why I feel no lack. Though my circle be small, it is QUALITY.

I'm always so surprised to hear some of whom I believe by the nicest people show a complete lack of empathy for others of whom they cannot relate. Good-natured Christian people will hold an all night prayer service and ask God to intervene when a tropical storm or hurricane is headed to Florida. But somehow they fail to realize that it's ripped Haiti or the Dominican Republic apart in the midst of their praying for their fellow Americans. I'm trying very hard to be a citizen of the world. I don't want to be so small minded that the only people that I care for or relate to are the people in a very small circle that is proximate all to me. I'm not perfect and I certainly don't always move in love. But I'm trying to do better, be better, and give what it is that I know others need. 

I'm not novel. I'm not the only one with the these life experiences. The world is full of dysfunctional people. I don't think that people are inherently bad, we are just very damaged. And that is why I find it very hard to get angry about not getting an abundance of love, kindness, empathy, or specialized treatment. It's also made me resolve to try and be a person who gives all of the aforementioned things. Because I believe that we deserve them. Everyone deserves them. It can change the very course of one's life, and even the way they act towards others. We hear so often that the world is full of good people. I remember so many Bible lessons growing up in a fire and brimstone church that warned that our hearts are desperately wicked. I believe but the balance of truth concerning most individuals lies somewhere in between. There is good and bad and all of us. There is love and hatred and all of us. Quite naturally what we choose to embody from those characteristics are what often shines through. I will BE what it is that I want to see. Peace and love friends...xoxo

Suicide Prevention Week

It would be remiss of me to go this entire week without encouraging anyone who struggles with depression, or any mental illness that potentially leads to suicide. I've lost a relative to these tragic circumstances. I've seen the aftermath of yet another loved one who attempted the same fate. And to be frank I've had days when it was just damn hard to keep breathing myself.

Encouraging words don't always help. Sometimes medical or psychological assistance is needed. There's NO SHAME in that. If insulin is ok when your kidneys are malfunctioning. If contacts or glasses can correct your vision. If a couch and a conversation, or a pill to balance your brain chemistry will restore psychological balance...then go for it!

The world has much to offer. And YOU have much to offer the world. Stay with us. You are important. We need you. Peace and love xoxo...

Rest In Paradise

Laid to rest today is the shell of my beloved Aunt and mentor. I had to set aside time and space not to grieve her, for she lived the life she wanted to live on her own terms. But to honor her memory and reflect on the knowledge and wisdom she so readily shared.

She taught me in both word and deed to be your own best advocate. It's great to have a support group, but no one will ever have a greater vested interest in you THAN you. I learned that manners will take you farther than education, or in many cases even money. She taught me it's OK to walk around with a suite of armor. The world can be a cold cruel place. Protect yourself, just don't allow your heart to be hardened. Also, it's okay to mess up.  Nobody is perfect. Just don't stay in a mess. Learn from it and move on. One of the most important lessons I obtained is that secrets can destroy you from the inside out. Don't hold on to secrects. There is a difference between keeping people out of your business and living a life of secrecy. One is OK the other is not.

She and I have often been referred to by family members as steel magnolias. A trait she and I obtained from her mother/my grandmother. And for years we kept magnolias growing in our flower beds. Magnolias that had been started from the flowers that grew in my grandma's yard. It was symbolic, a reminder of who we are. And a tribute to the matriarch who influenced us.

As I sit here and share, all I can do is smile. There are few tears to shed for a life that chose to find and fulfill it's purpose. Rather it is to be celebrated.  Sure I'll miss the her, conversation and advice. I'll miss the nods of approval and her correction. But I will spirituality tune in for guidance to the same Spirit that made us kindred in the first place.

I willing accept the mantle that has been passed on to me. The mantle that comes with great responsibility. I will be that strong woman who lives with boldness and kindness. A woman who is hard and soft. One who is afraid...but bold enough to do what is needed even when I am afraid.

Cheers to a life well lived Auntie. Until we see each other again. Rest easy 💕

About Last Night

My love grabbed his camera in the spur of the moment last night and snapped a candid picture.  It was after 1 o'clock in the morning. We were sitting under the stars, talking, laughing, and enjoying a fire. Our eyes testify to the fatigue of the daily grind building our legacy. They may also speak to the libations we consumed 😄. But more than anything I see joy and love. It's a beautiful thing to be able to embrace those things from The One who kept hope alive that I would some day find balance and deliverance from a dark past that overshadowed my ability to walk in complete and total health and happiness. I wish for everyone a love like this. That builds, and hopes, and believes, and under grids, and WAITS. Sweet mercy a love that waits is worth holding onto... forever. Peace and love to you my friends xoxo...

Doin' Me

I'm probably the least competitive person you will ever meet. Not one shred of my being strives to compare myself or my life to anyone else's. For me it's always been about sitting down and figuring out exactly what I want in life, and crafting a plan to make it happen. I am fulfilled, satisfied, and happy when I accomplish things I've set out to do. It's not that I want to be disengaged from other people. I just recognize the path to personal fulfillment is just that... personal. Why would I wake up everyday at the butt-crack of dawn to workout because that's what Sally does? I'm not a morning person. I love fitness. I want to be healthy. But I, to put it lightly, am not a morning person...at...all.... In almost 40 years I've never been a morning person. I doubt that'll ever change. Right now I wake up pre-dawn to make my hard working amazing husband's lunch. Then I go back to bed. It's my commitment to my health and my discipline that drives me to set aside time to workout. More power to ya Sally girl for your 5 a.m excursions. If that's what you contribute your healthful success to, then hats off. But I'm a much happier and equally healthy person doing things My Way.

Question my ambition if you must, but I just don't see how rushing to complete the same actions as someone else can contribute to my happiness. Rushing to marry someone who doesn't love you whole heartedly just because you want to be married is nothing short of a recipe for disaster. Buying a house when you have a nomadic spirit is pointless.

It takes all types of people to make the world go 'round. People who are fueled by competition and comparisons to others may in fact be some of the most accomplished and in some aspects successful. But it still begs the question are you HAPPY?  All too often I don't here the answer yes. So I think I'll keep traipsing along doing my own thing. You'll find more successful individuals. You'll find those who do the same things that I do better than I can do it. But you'll be hard pressed to find anyone happier 😆. Peace and love friends...