Who Were You At 22?

Twenty-two years ago this week I lost a child. For 22 consecutive years this has been my own personal Hell Week. As I spend the last couple months reflecting on my 30's, this situation feels more poignant than ever. I remember being 22. In fact, I was pregnant with my 17 year old. All the while thinking about this little one. I was doing the math. How old she would be. What characters she would be obsessed with. Whether she would have liked school. Today she could have very well been in similar circumstances. It's conflicting to think about it all. Watching my children arc into adulthood is nothing short of bittersweet. Knowledge that my first would be old enough to start the journey of where I am today is not. It's painful. But I'm dealing with it. I celebrate the fact that her spirit is present and felt. It is so much better than years spent squelching these emotions. As the day approaches I'll leave myself open to receive any life lessons or revelations meant for me. I have obtained a few over the years. I know her spirit loves me. I know that being the best mother to my children honors her memory. I've learned to shed any shame associated with this situation. I humbly acknowledge that for me her conception was the truest most genuine expression I knew how to offer. It was a spiritually transient experience. I knew what I was doing. I know the moment in which she was conceived. Although I could not imagine the fallout and consequences after the fact. I have decided that THAT was my ONE moment in life. We all get one. That was mine. My enlightenment. A point in which I'll spend the rest of my life gleaning from. So I'm not ashamed. It's a part of my life story. One that at almost 40, I can understand enough to start to share. Twenty-two years ago I'd have never thought I would be able to do so. At 22 years old I wasn't ready. It's a new day. Peace and love friends xoxo.

Ying and Yang

We woke up before dawn this morning. Our pillow talk led us to conversations concerning life. After almost 15 years together, we're still learning so much about each other. 

We got up, went outside, and watched the sun come up. He told me how much he loves the sunrise. I am a self described "lunatic". Give me a sunset, and the chance to stare at the moon, and I am content. In many ways we fit into the Opposites Attract category. But there is an element of cooperation that is just working for us.

He is like the sunrise. He embodies hope. I am like the sunset. I embody gratitude. Like one hand washing the other, we will work together. Balanced success is in our future.

Easy Like Sunday Morning

Happy Sunday beautiful people. Today finds me in perfect peace. I don't have words just yet to describe them. But I feel a poem formulating in my mind. Peace, love, and blessings to you all...xoxo

Can't Get Enough

My neighbor died unexpectedly a couple of weeks ago. Dan was one of the nicest people I've ever met. The embodiment of the proverbial "nice guy".

In talking with his widow, the equally nice Joan, I learned they'd been together since the age of 12. Sixty-two years they spent together. Fifty-four of them, they were married. She looked me in the eyes and said, "I'm lost without him. We were so close. We've spent most of our lives together and I can't believe it's over."

You can love someone so much, that no amount of time with them will ever be enough...

Star Crossed Lovers Brainstorm

This audio clip is self explainatory. Perhaps I will be writing more about it in the future. 

P.S. I hate my voice -_- 

 Brainstorming my thoughts on star-crossed love