Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Waving and throwing kisses

As I laid in my bed this morning taking stock of 2013, a smile crossed my face. Perhaps it has something to do with positive affirmations being the first things whispered in my ear this morning. "I'm so happy with you.  I am so happy with life",  said my husband. Clearly he was taking stock as well. 

I've already stated, I don't wait until some monumental landmark date to address things in my life. I am doing my best to live day by day and play the cards that are being dealt to me. However, for the sake of others, I thought addressing any residual issues should be done before New Year's. It just seems like the compassionate thing to do. I've been left hanging in the balance. I have been denied legitimate closure. Far be it for me to ever afflict anyone with the same plight. I am happy to say that I am leaving no loose ends in 2013. Am I perfect? No. Is there PLENTY of room for improvement in 2014? You bet. But, in rolling the past year over in my mind, it was a great feeling that I have no need to reach out to anyone to apologize for anything. There's nobody I need to contact to clear the air. I consider that growth and improvement in the way I live my life. 

I can't do much to change anyone's opinion of who I am. Quite frankly, I'm not trying or even concerned about what most folks think of me. I am satisfied with the changes I have made on my quest of personal improvement. Those closest to me, who know me best, are satisfied with what I bring to the table of our relationships. I love and bless them because they have been honest, instrumental, and supportive in my continual development.

I am done looking back. I am done processing old disappointments and failures. Forward was the integral theme of last my paradigm shift. That shift took place in August and it has served me well. Forward I will continue to go. I have learned that I can take lessons from my past with me, without dragging all of the baggage that comes along with it. I have learned that carrying pain is not a badge of honor nor is it proof of love.  Letting go of pain instead of focusing on it, has been my most liberating revelation. 

I have wasted too much of my life poking and prodding wounds. I had a pattern of picking wounds and keeping them irritated. My wounds were important. They symbolized something important had happened. I was hurting, that meant I had cared about something. Finally, I understand. I am not meant to suffer. I started nursing my wounds, and they began to heal. It does not lessen my experience to let go of pain. Wounds are not what I should focus on. I may have scars but I don't have to stay wounded. The difference is this, wounds hurt. Scars do not. Scars are a reminder that you were hurt, but now you've healed. 

May good health mentally, physically, and spiritually be bestowed upon all of us who seek it. Happy New Year! 

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