Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Rambling Morning Thoughts

I am not emotionally stunted. But my emotional investments toward most people are definitely blunted... Let me unwrap that for you. I have spent most of my life entrenched in exploring and developing my emotional attachments to people. I love deeply. Be it friendship, family, or relationship based, if I love you, then I love me some you!

I've always considered the risk of loving someone more beneficial than harmful. The love outweighs the pain. So I would love through disappointments when others let me down. I after all am flawed. I've caused my fair share of pain as well.

However, as I mature and grow, I see that not everyone loves the same. Some people don't even love you at all. "I love you" is not a phrase that triggers my automatic loyalty anymore. I used to interpret those words to mean a person was committed to moving in my best interest. I used to believe that phrase would result in a mutual kinship and cooperation in blessing each other.

A more relevant definition of love in my opinion is that love had been replaced by actions emotions and deeds more closely correlated with general fondness. If I therfore can expect you to operate in such a manner, I'm fine with that. But my actions and emotions for you will rightly correspond.

I guess what I find somewhat strange is that people who act in fondness still expect you to move in love. That's the one part of the equation I still find confusing. We should all expect to get out of a relationship only what we are willimg to invest.

I am not emotionally stunted. I AM emotionally blunted. Most people no longer get from me the connection or commitment I'm capable of giving. I consistently and regularly check in with myself. I don't want to slight those who I'm in a relationship with. It's very important to me that I support the people in my life who truly love and support me. I'm told by them that I do a good job. I'm also told by them when I miss the mark. That's one of the best parts of being in a relationship. Adjusting what's needed to maintain your compatibility and grow together with someone. Quality connections with quality individuals makes life wonderful and worth living.

Blunting my emotions towards those who aren't willing to give me the same has been wise. That's not to say that I don't operate in kindness and respect. I try to do that to everyone. But the sacrifice, commitment, and risky investment of love is now reserved for those in my life who are willing to be equally yoked and give me the same thing. Peace and love my good people xoxo...

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