New Game Plan

A war between my heart and my mind continues. I think it's high time my mind prevails. You can only follow the heart so long, garner the same results, and continue to take the same course of action. It's time I take a logical approach, because the heart wants what it wants, but it doesn't always work out.

It's time for me to do what I do best. Come up with a systematic, well thought out plan. A plan that will hopefully lead to the freedom I want/need to be truly happy. Can a heart that's been broken countless times even love and find happiness? I don't know but it's time to find out.

Wow

My emotions have surfaced and are very raw friends. I'm not even sure what to do with them right now. I need a still quiet place with no hope of retreat anytime soon. Send me positive thoughts and good vibrations please xoxo....

Overflow

So many of my posts over the past year have been laced with strife. I am so relieved to be in a place of manifold blessings right now! Life has it's ups and downs. We all spend time in the valley, and on the mountain top. Your struggles and disappointments make the good times so much sweeter. I am filled with nothing short of gratitude and elation in this moment. Today's club accomplishments and victories were the bonuses of the favorable place we find ourselves in these days. Goals are being accomplished. Visions are coming to pass. The foundation of a legacy is being sured up. Our "gifts are making room for us" just as we can expect. Be blessed friends I KNOW I am :)

A Series of Boxes

It's wondrous to think that a person's life can be so often be reduced to a series of boxes. Collecting memories and experiences has become more important to me than collecting tangible objects. But that doesn't mean that I don't recognize, that when my life form is reduced to little more than a vapor, the material things I leave behind will be what many people will remember me for. I hope to have amassed a few things that are intriguing to the average eye. Living a life of purpose means obtaining objects that hopefully tell the story of the life you built. 

But as I fill these boxes I continue to see and understand that what has been important in the past is much less important now. When it's time to gather those objects that  matter most, I am in awe of what things transition with me. Who I am, is not who I was. Who I will become is a mystery. An exciting prospect considering I spent so many years trying to become who I wanted to be. It appears I will become who I am supposed to be. I appreciate the feedback of those around me who observe my life principles. I'm learning to accept what is laid before me. I'm on a quest to seek knowledge and wisdom in any given circumstance. By opening myself up to the life intended for me, I now experience less drama, less sorrow, less stress, more love, more peace, and more happiness. There's less of everything I have struggled to avoid, and more of everything I always sought. 

The results are manifesting into the physical realm of the "things" you see around me. I hope my story to those who will judge me by what they see after I am no more, represents a woman they would have wanted to know. A woman that they can learn from even though she is not there to pass on advice or examples. Blessings friends...live well xoxo.

Pause

Sooooo this is me trying to collect myself this afternoon before going to work. I've got 4 kids in 4 schools this year. Just getting everyone out the door in the morning is a three and a half hour process! The madness that is my life right now, refuses to allow me to find an organized rhythm. I've got at least 4 amazing blogs bouncing around in my scull that I don't have time to write. Apparently I had time for a photo shoot though. It took at least 10 attempts to capture an image that didn't make me look like death warmed over :) As crazy as things are, I am constantly amazed as disappointments are transformed into blessings.  God's hand is in my life. When I can't rejoice for my circumstances I can at least give Him thanks for answering my most common petition. "Lord bless my mess!"

So "life goes on" as I often say. Many of my challenges and struggles remain the same. I wait patiently for resolve and resolution. I have been wracking my brain on words to share since the passing of my birthday. I am nothing short of excited with the passing of each year. Not because it's my day. Not because I am celebrated. I am happy because to me it symbolizes my opportunity to grow. I want to be more knowledgeable, mature, and effective..... continually. I want to have my life together, and live well. I want to love the life I live. I am actively seeking happiness and satisfaction. These are all things I've said before. My birthday is reminder of all of those things, and an opportunity to assess where I am in the process.

I am happy to report I am settling into many of my self assigned roles and goals nicely. I'm also extremely nervous about other goals I have set. But I am determined to press forward, and work towards them. If I am in fact on the correct path, I expect the kinks and challenges are either opportunities for me to grow, or they are meant lead me in another direction. So I wait, though I continue to live and plan. The biggest point of growth in my life right now is my adaptation to flexibility. It's actually not as horrible a trait as I originally thought. I am out of my comfort zone when it comes to thinking and living more flexible. But I think it will be my saving grace since etching life in stone leave a person with little alternative than to scrap things and start all over when things don't go according to plan.

At any rate. I look forward to moving ahead with the greatest life partner I could have ever asked for. Additionally, I have my amazing supportive friends who have been in my life longer than any of them were strangers to me. They provide insight and clarification with a level of devotion and love that is second to none.  As I look back over my life, I realize it's been more good than bad. Subsequently, my best days are ahead of me. What an exciting thought!

Birthday Blog (almost)

I'm another year older. I feel about 100 years wiser. The bottom line is, I'm happy :) I even checked in black and white. Remember that blog? Anyway time restraints and celebrations hinder me from writing my thoughts right now. I'm looking forward to sitting down and allowing myself a cathartic release. That's what productive, mature, seasoned women do right? Stay tuned!