Tuesday, January 10, 2012

This Is Not What It Looks Like

I am currently sitting in my thinking chair, wrapped in my husband's big fluffy robe, with warm socks, and a sloppy ballerina bun on my head. I couldn't be more content. As a chronic early riser, I have spent the last ten plus years bounding out of bed getting dressed and being productive. It's habitual, and a good habit to have, I think. I feel a tremendous responsibility as a parent to model behavior that I think will usher my kids toward success. Since I have several son's...the exact number being a crap-load, I felt even more pressure to instill productivity and hard work into their character. It's just always in the back of my mind that someday they may be family men. The pressures of taking care of a wife and children may be on their shoulders, and will call on their abilities to be organized, educated, hard workers. So in auto-piolot I get up and get to business, as does their father so that they see examples that illustrate productivity and persistence pays off.

In a funny conversation one day, my son told me,  "Mom I didn't know you wore pajama's". I guess I didn't realize I was that routine oriented. It made me think. I shouldn't be so legalistic and bound to my routine. There is more to what I am trying to do then trying to look productive. Productivity is not measured by appearances. It is measured by results. There is more to life than getting to the daily grind. There is more to the daily grind than looking busy. My children know that I am sold out for them not because of what I appear to be doing. They know because, they can measure the results of my actions. A huge portion of my day, and perhaps my life is dedicated to making sure their needs are met.

I'm not a push over. I know all about tough love, and put it to use when needed. But, a happy home is my life mission right now. There are times when circumstances are easy, and times when they are super stressful. If it's stressful for me, but I am able to make it happy for my family, its somehow consolation. Let me not present myself as some martyr. I won't live like this always. I fully recognize that my children will grow up and leave home. They may or may not call and visit on a regular basis. But, I am fairly confident that they will love and respect me always. Not because I am perfect, but because I love and respect them.

I am begininning to see that it's the principle of hard work, as opposed to just the example of hard work, that I want to impart in my children. I am finally at a point in life where I am less concerned with the way things look. I am more focused on the way way they actually are. I don't live in a huge fancy house. But I LOVE the house I am in. I love it because it feels good. I am proud of the fact, that when people walk thru my door they say, "I love your house. It's so welcoming." They don't say,  "Your house is beautiful". In essence they are saying they feel the love and welcoming spirit of our environment. That's more important than looks to me, and not easily achieved. All it takes is resources to make something look good. It takes heart to make things feel good. I am happy with the fact that the goals I set in life are slowly but surely being achieved. I think wisdom and a willingness to be flexible will keep me on course.

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