Tuesday, June 12, 2012

I Got Something Folks (Pt.2)

So  I was rendered fairly speechless at the rite of passage my son's recently crossed. That was just a whole lot of business for me to process. I have spent the better part of 15 years working with adolescents in one capacity or another. Be it church youth ministry with my husband, or our family business a local soccer club. I have seen kids develop from toddlers and elementary aged children turn into everything from military men, mothers, and convicted felons.

I am quite aware that there is nothing new under the sun. However, there is a totally different emotional, mental, and spiritual investment that you place in your own children. To watch my boys stand on stage and speak with refined intelligence and respectability was almost overwhelming.

I am proud of who they have become thus far. Both of them received what amounts to a scholarship to obtain their associate degrees while they are still in high school. They start advanced coursework this fall to complete that goal. One has already been granted a 4 year scholarship to The Ohio State University upon graduation. To say we are proud is quite frankly an gross under-representaion of how we feel.

I really needed to explore my "sad" feelings and try to figure them out. It all boils down to this: the largest most important part of who I am right now is a mother. What that has meant up until now is that I am the one who is coddling and nurturing my boys. I am the steel magnolia who doesn't bend or break in matters significant to them, that I could easily solve. My guidance and influence was paramount in matters of socialization, spirituality, and discipline.

In gradual procession, this role has been shifting. Life has become less linear and more complex. Thus my role and all that I have known is shifting as well. There are less opportunities to simply sit and hold them they way I have always loved. I have to make do with a hug goodbye and a kiss goodnight. My ability to step in and mediate, advocate, or regulate dramatic events in their lives is waining. The lessons I have taught about making tough responsible decisions, taking responsibility for your actions, and standing up for yourself must be put into action.  I realize the need to titrate my influence and see....but more importantly let them see what they know. I am confident they have the potential to do very well in life. The question is will they DECIDE to do so? It's time for their successes and even failures to be attributed more to themselves and less to me.

These changes are difficult. But they are also necessary. Their day has come. Logically, I know that my role is only evolving and no less important. There is still much work to be done to ensure their success. I am ready, willing, and able, to transition into my new duties as a mom of young men. Right after this one last cry......

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