Learning and Growing

     As difficult as life's circumstances can be it feels good to be an adult. I relish in the fact that I am at a point in my life where, the choices made, are made by me ( and my partner). There are various tools that people use as a guide to help them through life. For some it's a Bible or the religious text they follow. For others it's scientific facts and analysis. Yet others choose to live spontaneously and go off of impulse. I am a messy conglomerate of all of the above.
     I have had some trying circumstances evolve lately. Everything from a death in the family, to verbal assault against one of my children. Every difficult moment has given me an opportunity to examine my character. I have learned a lot about myself. My weaknesses, as well as, my strengths in the categories of humility, graciousness, patience, assertiveness, compassion, and many more, have been illuminated at least within my self.
     I walk away from these circumstances hopeful and grateful. I am hopeful that I can do better, and be better now that I have a bit more life experience. Hopeful, that when the next trying situation arises, I have experience that I didn't have before. I expect those ordeals will  yield more productive results. I am grateful, that I can see my strengths and positive attributes. Grateful that through adversity, though I may be flawed, I stay true to myself and my belief systems. It's a wonderful thing to know who you are and stay true to yourself and your principles. I declare myself a work in progress. I'm sure I will be just that for the rest of my life. Never stop trying, never stop giving, never stop loving, never stop growing, never stop learning. That is the human process.

Bin Thinking 'Bout Bin Laden

     I have been taking the past day and a half to think about the announcement of Osama Bin Laden's execution by the United State's military. I knew yesterday that I was going to blog about the subject. I didn't want to use this post as an opportunity to emote. I wanted to use it as an chance to lay out some of my opinions after I had time to process it.
     First and foremost, let me say that I was in no way saddened by the death of this tyrant. He lived by the sword and he died by the sword, such is life. That being said. I didn't feel any sense of joy at his death specifically. I was happy that the man who claimed responsibility for the largest terrorist attack on U.S. soil was finally hunted down. I was happy that there was no loss of life by those that took part of the military strategy. I was happy that President Obama did what the previous Commander and Chief, (who started this war) was unable to do. He gets a lot of slack, much of which is deserved. But, the obvious racial and bigoted undertones that accompany his attacks are asinine. I'm sure it caused a hiccup in many of the critics that attack for that purpose for at least a moment. I was very happy for the military troops, and hoped that this situation would rally their morale. Finally, I was happy for the family members and victims that were personally affected by the events of September 11th.
     I suppose there are comments I made that could have been misconstrued as insensitive, in those first initial moments. They could have led some to believe that I rejoice in the death of others. For the record, I don't. But I do believe that death is an end to a means to unrepentant criminals who make it clear they intend to reek havoc on the world as long as they live. I also think killing others is too often used as a means of "justice" . That's a totally different topic for a different day.
     The further I get from this announcement, the more I have mixed feelings about our countries reaction to this news.  There are some that actually rejoice specifically in the death of Bin Laden. I'm not saying that I support or think that point of view is right, but I understand. People who have suffered emotional damage due to a loss of loved one's and family, or even a loss of security are not only happy that the individual who master minded this attack met a terrible end. Some may call it karma, or reaping what he sowed. I guess I just personally feel no joy behind his death because those same principles work for, or against all of us. That being said, I am praying for either grace or a crop failure on some of the seeds I have sown in the past!
     Everyone doesn't think or believe like I do. That's fine. That's what makes the world an interesting place. I can't say how I would FEEL if I had a more emotionally vested interest in Bin Laden's, or any other terrible person's death. If my loved one was killed in one of the twin towers, or in war fighting in the middle east this blog most assuredly would have a different point of view.
    The media is portraying American's everywhere as dancing in the streets and in apparent jubilation over his death. The more I think about it, the more I realize that there are a very few people that are rejoicing in his death. Some people are, don't get me wrong. But the more conversations I have, the more I realize that people are happy about many of the things that I listed above and not rejoicing specifically over his killing. I think the portrayal may be somewhat out of context as to what some of that jubilation is about. As I begin to calculate conversations that I am having, for everyone person who crudely damns Bin Laden to hell, as if they can personally put him there, there are 2 people who say. He was a killer who got killed and rejoice in the fact that evil does not always prevail in the world.
     This is a very touchy topic because 1) America does not have it's business in order in too many categories to list. 2) This county so systematically and hypocritically cherry picks which dictators/tyrants/terrorists it endorses and supports based off of self-interest. These factors greatly diminish our credibility when it comes to the context of justice being served. For that reason, I can only stand as a single American voice, with a single American perspective. And now you know what mine is...

Royal Pain in the Butt

     I have been reading various comments from acquaintences and friends about today's royal wedding. The overall consensus was what I expected. The princess looked lovely and there was far too much coverage on the event. I must admit. I was a bit miffed that I could not easily access the weather report as usual. However, all things being considered, I was impressed by the beauty and the ceremonial display of matrimony. Not because of the grandeur I saw. But because of the genuine feel of love the new couple seemed to have. I can only imagine that anyone that has felt adoring love for another was momentarily transported to whatever place and moment they felt the same way. For the vast majority of us it didn't take place in a Gothic church the scale of Westminster Abbey. It may have been somewhere simple or even undesirable. But the feelings of love which are universal were undoubtedly the same. As usual I look for how I can relate to others. I can't relate to dignitaries and royalty. But, I can relate to undying love and affection. That was enough to warm my heart and be grateful for a glimpse, and an opportunity to share in the celebration.
     For those who approached the occasion with contempt and criticism I say boo! I am extremely uneducated on the ongoings of The United Kingdom. Therefore, I don't have a leg to stand on when Brits complain. Clearly they may be addressing valid arguments. Of that, I have no way of knowing. But as to my American counterparts, get over it! What's your real complaint? It surely should not be about a prince and princes you know nothing about. At best you should be mad at the media for their unbalanced continuing coverage of events that have little effect on our county. These day's that's what the media does best. Being contemptuous because you "don't care" about this wedding though, kind of makes you look miserable, unhappy, and yes, like a bit of a hater. If you truly don't care, why are you wasting your breath and spreading negativity about a happy occasion? A happy person would not do that...just sayin'.
    One person in particular called it a display of elitism and whiteness. I call her words a display of bitterness and unhappiness. Prince William in no way needs to apologize for his whiteness or the circumstance in which he was born. I for one, have seen him walk in the footsteps of his mother and serve in African nations that most people don't give a second thought to. I commend him for that, and hope that he and his bride have a happily ever after story to go with their fairy tale wedding.

I'm Sorry....That I got Caught

     I'm not sure what it is that got the old brain juices flowing here lately on this topic. But, it's stayed on my mind long enough that I decided to ramble on it for a while. I have noticed a trend lately with celebrities, athletes, and politicians, to give formally written (often times by other people) apologies. Can anyone tell me when this became an acceptable form of contrition?
     *Snaps my fingers* Now I remember what got me thinking on this. A particular athlete, who treated his wife like absolute trash by cheating on her and potential exposing her to any number of communicable diseases from the dozens of women he was with. I don't want to name him specifically. The issue is far larger than that particular incident. There is a segment of people out there who consist largely of celebrities and politicians that can say whatever they want whenever they want and then brush past it as if it's no big deal.
     I started to write this post at the beginning of April. Since I've started writing. Actors, athletes, and politicians alike have embarked upon continued flagrant, crazy, disrespectful, and even bigoted behavior.As long as you have a good publicist and an accomplished writer who can draft you and smartly worded apology you'll be just fine.
     As a parent, when our kids misbehave we often demand an apology be issued to the whomever was offended. I will even go so far as to say, "That wasn't good enough, you weren't sincere. Apologize like you mean it". I know realize that's all we're doing to individuals in the public spot light. They don't REALLY have to be sincere. They just have to apologize like they mean it! Generally, we know when are kids are not genuine or repentant for offensive actions. A parent that is serious about raising aware respectful young people will try to develop a sense of empathy in their children. Let's face it, that's one of the only ways you can treat someone else with respect. You need to try and empathize with others and hopefully treat them as you would want to be treated. Why then are we settling for fake, albeit well crafted and keenly edited and often times READ apologies, for highly offensive behaviors? "Say it like you mean it" apologies are for kids too little to understand or do any better than that.
     An apology that is insincere means little more than the offender is sorry...for getting caught, and that's all.

Today's a Special Day!

March 30, 2008- I awoke elated thinking that my water had broken only to find out that I was standing in a pool of steadily pouring blood. I called my sister who told me to get to the hospital right away. I remember the staff trying to ask me medical questions as they tried to prep me for surgery. I started blacking out and Richard had to answer them for me. Suddenly, I had 5 people standing around me all working on me at the same time. one was trying to start and IV line, one had a mask over my face, one was scrubbing my stomach, one was asking me questions, and the other one was at my feet. The whole time I kept trying to pray. I was trying to think on scriptures that I knew. But in the mass confusion, all I could do was think, "Jesus just help me." The girl with a million memory verses and prayers that storm boldly before the throne of grace, couldn't keep a thought in mind long enough to draw off any of those things that she usually does. But I had one belief that I was able to cling to. {Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. (Romans 8:26)} Even if I couldn't form the words God still understood. The last thing I remember is pulling my legs up and starting to go into the fetal position and the whole room yelling NOOOO! The rest of the story was told to me by a surgical tech. She hunted Richard down that same day, and me on her next scheduled shift just to say that my situation was nothing short of miraculous. The normal order of things is to take the baby first and then the placenta. Keep in mind that I was still continuously bleeding out. She told me that as soon as the doctor made the incision, that my placenta literally "jumped" out of my body and into the doctor's hands. The entire room froze. She said in her entire career she had never seen anything like that. But, had that not happened I would have bled to death, because my blood loss slowed almost completely. She told Richard you made the right choice driving them here. If you would have waited for an ambulance your wife and baby would be dead. From the time I entered the hospital until the time Scarlett was delivered was only 25 minutes. I awoke in more pain than I even knew was possible to feel, with an apology that there was no time to administer pain meds and the news that my baby girl was perfectly fine. In fact, her Apgar test was stronger than the average baby who has been under no distress. So I am extremely grateful for every day that I have been granted since 3/30/08. I am left with a crazy scar, a beautiful daughter and one more awesome testimony. And, I never second guess my role in life. It's not glamorous, it's usually pretty thankless. For the most part the only people who can appreciate what I do are generally those who are in the same position. I'm fine with that. I am a humble person but at the same time I KNOW that I am important. Because God took the time to stop by the hospital to see about me.

A Good Relationship is Like Girdle

     A good relationship is like a girdle. It supports you and holds you up during the most important occasions of your life. I can think of few things more precious than a healthy reciprocated relationship. One hopes this is what they can expect from the people they call family. Often times we hear more negative reports on family members than positive ones. I wonder why this is. I have come across a bit of family drama lately. One particular member has found herself in a tremendous amount of trouble. Although she has an abundance of brothers and sisters, and her parents are still alive, my household sat down to see how we could help. That's what family does. In my opinion, family should not only pull together in times of adversity, we should just generally love and support each other in all aspects of life. That's my goal. That's what I want. That's what I am trying to instill in the delicate minds I am responsible for shaping. I just wish I had a bit of support from my, oh I don't know.....my family!
     It's a sad day when you realize that people who don't have to be in your life, are willing to do more for you than people who are connected whether they like it or not. It was an ongoing lesson that I was reminded of several times this week. The first incident had me so spitting mad I could not see straight. But the second occurrence did little more than put the nail in the coffin of my paradigm shift. That shift being the realization family are not always who you can turn to when you really need help.
     I had a very in depth conversation with my Significant Other yesterday. We came to the conclusion that henceforth we will surround ourselves with, and work on establishing deep and meaningful relationships with the people who love and care about us most regardless of the bloodline. We are fortunate to have had some caring genuine people cross our paths. People who are dependable and love and care for no other reason than the fact that they choose to. They don't have to care. They don't have support. They are under no obligation or alliance established by anything other than love, and a desire to do so. They are called friends. I know that this is cliche but friends are the family you get to choose. It's true, and right now it's my silver lining.

Settling vs Acceptance

I am very randomly pondering the ideals of accepting circumstances in life. I think there has been a huge movement in American society to never settle for anything. You should always go after what you want and not be sidetracked. We do after all have a very individualized society when you compare it to other cultures. I suppose over the years the slogans have changed  but the ideology is the same. Some I can think of are 1) Be all the me I can be [that was a Saturday morning commercial adage meant to motivate kids] 2) Get 'er dun 3) and perhaps the most recent "do you". The meaning behind all of these mottos, I think, is the same. You are important and should get, and/or do what you think is important. I am wondering and perhaps leaning towards thinking we have gone a bit too far with that line of thinking. It seems as if perhaps we have become so self-centered  that we care less about the big picture and how it will affect others that we are close to. I have seen people so focused on their careers, education, material wants etc...that they will ignore or neglect the people that life's finer things are meant to be shared with.
It's time to stop step back and look at the whole picture. There is a time to simply accept some of your life circumstances. That's especially important, if where we want to be will cause unwanted effects on the other people in our life. It's time to reorganize and prioritize and set goals TOGETHER.  No man is an island. And when you finally get to where you're going you need to have someone there to sit and sip your tropical smoothie with.