Thursday, December 1, 2011

What I Learned this Thanksgiving

I decided against a Thanksgiving Day post, not just for the sake of going against the grain. But, I felt that anyone reading Thanksgiving Day salutations might lose what I had to say in the minutia of half baked tributes. That sounds harsh, but it's the truth. I certainly won't try to set myself aside as a bleeding heart who has meaningful things to say that will inspire others. In fact, the last couple of days have taught me that I probably reside on the other side of the fence.

I had a fantastic time with friends and loved one's over the past couple of days. However, during that time I noticed early on, there is a deficit in my connection even with some of my closest friends and family. I have spent much time pondering over this perplexed. I have a pretty small circle of people. Most of them have been in my life always, or at least as long as I can remember. As I sat down at various times to catch up on life's news, both good and bad. I remember thinking to myself how open and honest my people are with me not only about their business, but also about their feelings and emotions. I thought to myself, "Wow I don't know if I would have been comfortable revealing that."  At that moment I had a revelation. I have closed myself off more than I should have.

We're not talking about co-workers and acquaintances here. If I can't be my true and authentic self with my closest relations, then I have no real life. What a tragic circumstance not to reveal all of yourself to those who love you unconditionally anyway. I think my reasons are rooted in pride as well as pain. Certain choices that I have made in life, have been met in criticism, and it's not the best feeling to be told you made a bad choice. I think I accept criticism a little bit better now. But I suppose, I would still prefer no criticism at all. That's just an issue that will require some personal growth. I already know better than to tolerate destructive criticism. But, constructive criticism is meant to build a person up. I'm just going to have to deal with my pride.

I am going to do better. I walk away from my Thanksgiving weekend understanding that there is a difference between revealing information, versus revealing my heart about said matters. Living my life with close and fulfilling bonds can only happen if I let my guard down with those that are in my inner circle.

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